Francis has found himself in the position of having two women want him. He talked himself in to only wanting one of these two women because he thought that the other one had ‘friend zoned’ him. He’s now discovered he hasn’t been ‘friend zoned’ at all. We were introduced to Louise’s new beau – who is literally twice the size of her – and they were apparently both surprised at how much they missed each other whilst she was off sunning herself in France. Sam and Tiff gossiped and Mytton was feeling sorry for himself.

What on earth is going to happen this week?

  1. Alik is one of the most persistent men on the planet – have to give him kudos for that
  2. Obviously they go kayaking and Victoria is just chilling out in the back
  3. So Louise hasn’t made her mind up for definite?
  4. Of course she likes him now Binky
  5. Them the rules of reality television my dear.
  6. Victoria, darling, it’s nice that you’ve now actually picked up the paddle, but that’s not how you row
  7. The paddle has to actually go in to the water
  8. We have not seen enough of Francis on his skateboard in this series
  9. Look at the rose in his pocket
  10. Toff he could be off with Olivia Bentley right now, don’t bitch at him for being late
  11. Is Ollie sunbathing nude?!
  12. Apparently so
  13. Lucky Jess
  14. How can a kiss be ‘handsy’?
  15. Or is that a daft question?
  16. Well Ollie, he’d never been fishing before
  17. This is a summer of firsts for you both
  18. “I feel like we’re in that Titanic film”
  19. You mean Titanic, Toff?
  20. He’s been saying all along that he would be going back to Ghana, Toff
  21. Why are you so surprised by this?
  22. Victoria being brutally honest “he’s going to be devastated”
  23. Well at least he knows everything that’s going on, I guess
  24. Ooh who would she keep in the spare seat? Ryan or Alik?
  25. The romantic in me would like it to be Alik
  26. It’s probably not
  27. Jamie always sounds and look so much more excited to see Alik than Louise ever did
  28. Is Ryan still in the South of France?
  29. This is awkward
  30. So she hasn’t told him
  31. He found out through like Instagram and Twitter?
  32. She did (well Rick Edwards) called him in the end of series show and said she still loved him
  33. Loads of mixed signals going on here
  34. I think someone needs to have a word with Louise about what exactly the word ‘honesty’ means.
  35. If I knew I was going to break someone’s heart
  36. I wouldn’t be looking like that
  37. Definitely wouldn’t be going to the salon to make myself look prettier
  38. Why would you pull a horse face like that when you hear someone bought you a $40,000 ring?!
  39. Beginning to feel like you’re a tad heartless, Louise
  40. He reserves asking to draw people as his own special way of flirting
  41. Toff is sounding a bit like a bunny boiler
  42. She keeps turning up at his house uninvited
  43. I love Victoria for trying to bring Toff back down to earth
  44. Oh sweetie, Toff didn’t put him on the map.
  45. His beautiful ginger locks did that
  46. Who is she supposed to be obsessed with Toff? You or Francis?
  47. They’re being all cute getting emotional over a basketball
  48. Thing is guys, it’s only France – it’s not really that far away, is it?
  49. Alik looks like he’s shaking
  50. How did she take what Sam said as Alik being horrible about her?
  51. Why did she invite him if she doesn’t want to deal with this?
  52. Alik is literally the most patient man ever
  53. He’s not demanding answers he’s just trying to understand what’s happening in his life and is happy to wait for answers
  54. Once again Jamie, what the hell is that shirt you’re wearing?
  55. Has Francis met Alik before?
  56. Oh Sam, what are you saying? And in front of Jamie
  57. This is so going to gobackto Tiff
  58. Thenthere will be anrgument
  59. And she’s going to cry
  60. It’ll be the big plot pointof the next series, you mark my word
  61. I feel like Louise should have been a banned subject on this boys night out
  62. There is every chance he could totally be in denial
  63. You cant be best friends with the manwho bought you a $40,000 ring!
  64. As far as the viewers are aware, you invited Alik before you invited Ryan Louise
  65. The timing is all your fault
  66. “How is operation snatch?”
  67. Beautiful wording Binks
  68. And thank you for clarifying that you didn’t mean Olivia’s snatch
  69. I imagine that, had I gone to a mixed secondary school, this is what it probably would have been like “Well he knows you like him”
  70. Two shots of vodka … I want to go drinking with Olivia Bentley
  71. Oh Alik
  72. Don’t drunk txt
  73. It’s not good
  74. Why is the French guy there?
  75. And offering Alik advice?
  76. He was hitting on Louise like two episodes ago …
  77. “It’s nice to look at you … but I’d prefer to draw Toff….”
  78. It’s nice that you want to be discreet but what’s the point if you’re going back to Ghana in a few weeks?
  79. That was not discreet
  80. I feel like Alik should have had like one night with the lads
  81. Just so he isn’t moping over Louise the whole time
  82. I love Alik for telling her she’s a cliché right now
  83. And I also love how he realises how brilliant he is
  84. And then he ruins it with “I deserve to be with someone much better than you right now”
  85. This is why you shouldn’t try to have serious emotion related conversations after having a drink or two
  86. It does not end well
  87. That’s right Alik, you tell her
  88. You have a lot of love and someone will get to experience that one day
  89. (On a side note, I’m single and I also have a lot of love to give ….)
  90. I’ve loved Polo ever since I saw the Olsen twins play it in Winning London
  91. Not that I know how to play it
  92. Or the rules
  93. Has Frankie appeared in this episode?
  94. Hang on, so who’s Jess dating?
  95. Oh poor Ollie!
  96. But he’s had so much trouble finding someone in London
  97. And he found you (well, technically Jess found you) in Cannes
  98. Oh there she is
  99. Obviously wasn’t paying attention a minute ago
  100. Now I understand Sam’s comment about Jamie’s hair
  101. Dude, that is blonde
  102. Thing is Sam, you have her initials tattooed on your arm
  103. If you didn’t want forever, you shouldn’t have done that
  104. Why do all these girls have so much make-up on their face, they’re in the South of France, and it’s hot and sunny
  105. Let your skin soak up the vitamin d, girls!
  106. Francis is one of the most honest men on the show
  107. I miss him
  108. Toff, you can’t call people a dick just because things aren’t going your own way
  109. Alik is so the better person right now
  110. And he has done an incredible one eighty since the start of the episode though
  111. I don’t think he quite said “tracked him down” though Toff
  112. I love the enjoyment Victoria takes out of these conversations
  113. She is being incredibly dramatic, 100% correct Olivia
  114. Wow, that suddenly escalated
  115. And it was suddenly like I was back at school. Olivia, not going to lie, that last line was not brilliant – or sassy.

So Mytton’s back next week, Jamie has some jedi plait thing coming out the back of his head and Jess appears to have pulled the most beautiful man in the whole of France. There also appears to be a shocking amount of drama revolving around Toff, Olivia and Francis.

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